We All Grieve
- Oscar-winning actor Billy Bob Thornton, known for films like Bad Santa, Armageddon and Monster’s Ball, has given some real solid, yet somber, advice on grief. “Embrace it,” the 69-year-old has said, because “you will never get over it.”
- In 1988, the Arkansas native lost his brother Jimmy and has shared in the past that he has never been the same since. “There’s a melancholy in me that never goes away. I’m 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad at any given moment.”
- Know that it is normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis. Some days can be tougher than others, and overall, talk therapy is helpful — so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community if you are struggling after loss.
In 1988, the Arkansas-born filmmaker lost his brother Jimmy, and he has shared that he has “never been the same” since. “There’s a melancholy in me that never goes away. I’m 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad at any given moment.”
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“This remains, in my opinion, one of the most touching and accurate perspectives of life after loss,” they said.
In the original video, Thornton expanded on how grief relates to artistry, “As an artist, that’s where a lot of your stuff comes from. You keep honoring those people forever by singing that song or writing that movie or doing that part in the movie or writing a book, whatever it is that has a sadness and a melancholy and a fear in it.”
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“Those are the things that keep them alive — whatever you put into your work or your family or your art,” the dad of four added.
Practicing Mindfulness
One key to building resilience at any age is being mindful of the things that bring you joy.
Mindfulness is a practice in which you focus your attention and energy in order to stave off stress, anxiety, fear, and other things that lead to harmful thoughts. It’s a way of slowing down so you can be in tune with your actions and emotions.
Deepak Chopra, a world-renowned author and mindfulness expert, told SurvivorNet that mindfulness helps you achieve new levels of self-awareness.
“Are you changing the experience with the body, changing the experience of the mind, changing experience with emotions?” he asks. When you can do these things, through mindfulness, you can stave off stress.
A Guided meditation for the SurvivorNet community
SurvivorNet offers a guide for practicing mindfulness on a daily basis:
- Choose one daily activity to practice mindfully (e.g. eating your lunch, brushing your teeth or taking a shower). Resist distractions and be aware of your thoughts in this moment.
- Pause often during your day and use these moments to take a deep breath with your eyes closed.
- In moments of difficulty, acknowledge the stress you feel by asking, “How can I be kind to myself in this moment?”
- Don’t suppress your emotions; explore them to see where they are coming from.
- Try not to rush through an action or an experience. Stay in the present.
Life After Loss
It’s normal to feel sad about changes in your life that might be brought on by death or a cancer diagnosis.
“Grief comes in waves,” says Dr. Scott Irwin, a psychiatrist and Director of Supportive Care Services at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. “They’re grieving the change in their life, the future they had imagined is now different.”
Some days can be tougher than others, but Dr. Irwin says talk therapy is helpful so it’s important to reach out to your doctor, to a therapist or to support groups in your community.
How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
When a stressful life event occurs, people may react with a range of different (and quickly changing) emotions. This is completely normal.
“The way people respond is very variable,” Psychiatrist Dr. Lori Plutchik tells SurvivorNet. “Very much consistent with how they respond to stresses and challenges in their life in general.”
In this video, Dr. Plutchik is speaking mostly about how people react after a cancer diagnosis which can be a huge range of emotions from fear to anger to determination.
Handling stressful life events
However, the conclusion remains the same no matter what stressor someone may be dealing with: your emotions are valid and seeking mental health help may look different for every person.
“People have a range of emotions when they’re diagnosed with cancer,” Dr. Plutchik explains. “And they can include fear, anger … and these emotions tend to be fluid. They can recede and return based on where someone is in the process. Going through a cancer diagnosis is just the beginning of a complicated, complicated process.”
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Dr. Plutchik explains that the patient, or person going through the stressful event, should accept that emotions will be fluid. You may feel fine one day and then feel a massive wave of stress the next. It’s also important for those you look to for support whether that’s a therapist, friends and family, or both to understand the fluidity of stress-related emotions.
If a stressful event is affecting how you think and feel, it may be time to seek some sort of mental health treatment. This could mean traditional talk therapy, medication, changing lifestyle habits (like exercise and diet), seeking out a support group, or many other approaches.
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
- What can I do if my emotions begin to feel overwhelming?
- Are there approaches that don’t involve traditional therapy?
- Should I consider medication such as antidepressants?
- What are the potential side effects should I decide to begin medication?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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