Understanding You're Not Alone in Your Anxiety & How To Cope
- “Food Network” star Valerie Bertinelli—who divorced her estranged husband Tom Vitale and lost her “soulmate” ex-husband Eddie Van Halen to cancer—experienced an anxiety attack a few days ago, which left her hand uncontrollably shaking. She took to social media to share a video of the “aftermath” to show others that they’re “not alone.
- While Van Halen and Bertinelli were not together when he died, they continued to have a close bond even after their marriage ended. Recovering after losing a loved one to cancer is never a “one-and-done” process.
- Anxiety symptoms include feelings of irritability, fatigue, and nervousness. People struggling with anxiety also have trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and rapid heart rate which leads to hyperventilation.
- Therapy and medication are the two most recommended forms of treatment for individuals with anxiety, and treatments vary depending on the type of anxiety an individual has.
- Dr. Marianna Strongin, a clinical psychologist and founder of Strong In Therapy, has been helping the SurvivorNet community by sharing coping mechanisms and a structured way to think about handling these issues.
Over the past few years, Bertinelli has experienced some stressful life events, like filing for divorce from her estranged husband Tom Vitale and losing her “soulmate” ex-husband Eddie Van Halen to cancer—so it’s certainly admirable to see the former spokesmodel for weight loss company Jenny Craig being “vulnerable” with her feelings.
Read MoreBertinelli captioned her unguarded post, “I’ve sat on this post for a day because it’s incredibly vulnerable and that’s always scary to share. But I’m posting because we’re all out here doing our best having a human experience and none of us want to feel like we’re alone in that.View this post on Instagram
“Okay. Deep breath…here goes…So I don’t know if you can tell from this video (and my heart is still beating a little rapidly as I write this) I had a really bad anxiety attack today. I haven’t had one like this in a very, very long time. A few hours ago, I was weeping uncontrollably, and my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. I couldn’t stop shaking.”
She continued, “I know I’m taking a chance, but, I want to share it because I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one out here who has experienced this.
“Gratefully these attacks have become much more infrequent, so this one took me a little bit by surprise today. This is the after effect. As I’m going through the actual attack (lol attack is such an appropriate word. My body and my mind feels like it’s actually under attack).”
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Bertinelli also admitted that she understand her overwhelming feelings are “just my brain overthinking,” but her body “goes into overdrive” and her body can’t control it.
She added, “I almost disassociate and am focused solely on calming down and finding any road to a more relaxed and peaceful body. … Hours later, as I’m doing my best to meditate and EMDR [a therapy technique called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing] my way out of this, this is the after effect that I can’t quite seem to calm all the way yet.”
The aftereffect she’s referring to is her uncontrollably shaking hand.
She concluded, “Part of me is fascinated by what the human body is capable of when our feelings can get in the way or override any reasonable thought and another part of me is just curious on how all of this happens, you know the weird neuropathies in our brain and how it affects our bodies, what feelings (which are just information btw) are and why are they so powerful that they make our body go into overdrive.
“Anyone else experience an extreme anxiety attack, and then the after effects still take a bit to calm? Tell me I’m not the only one out here and is there anything that you have also found to be helpful? Anyway…this little bit of vulnerability is brought to you by someone who wants you to know you’re not alone. Love you.”
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Just two days after her anxiety awareness post, Bertinelli took to her Instagram story to share a quote by author Michell C. Clark, which reads,”You’ve known shame. You’ve known regret. Now, choose peace.
“Choose healthy growth—not motivated by shame, but a desire to be a more aligned version of yourself. In competition with no one except previous versions of yourself.”
The quote ends with the words, “Healing. Love. Free.”
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Valerie Bertinelli On Losing Her Soulmate
It’s unclear what trigger Bertinelli’s anxiety attack, but her overwhelming feelings remind us how in October 2020, she lost her first husband legendary guitarist Eddie Van Halen after multiple battles with various forms of cancer.
The two were married from 1981 to 2007 and share a son named Wolfgang. Despite their separation, Bertinelli considered Van Halen to be a “soulmate.”
View this post on Instagram
“I just don’t feel like I’ve ever been loved like that, in that way, from anybody else,” she’s said in an earlier interview. “I just feel a connection with Ed that I’ve never really felt with anyone else.”
Van Halen’s first diagnosis tongue cancer came in the year 2000 when his son, Wolfgang, was just 9 years old. For treatment, he had part of his tongue removed, but he was declared to have entered remission in 2002.
Then around 2014, he was diagnosed with throat cancer after cancerous cells traveled there from his tongue. In 2017, cancer struck again when Eddie Van Halen was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
Then came a brain tumor in 2019. He received treatment for his lung cancer in Germany to extend his expected survival time and reportedly had gamma knife radiation, a type of a radiosurgery, to remove his brain tumor.
Van Halen struggled with his health for many years. SurvivorNet obtained a copy of the death certificate issued two months after his passing which revealed that he was suffering from both lung and skin cancer. The document lists his cause of death as a cerebrovascular accident (stroke), but underlying conditions included pneumonia, lung cancer, myelodysplastic syndrome and squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck.
Myelodysplastic syndrome, a disorder which causes a disruption in blood cell production, often occurs in response to cancer treatments. He had been suffering from this disorder for the last six months of his life.
One important thing to note is that while we do not necessarily know why each of his cancers developed, we do know that years of heavy drinking, drug use and chain-smoking might have increased his risk for cancer. And despite Eddie Van Halen’s claims that his throat cancer was caused by putting copper and brass guitar picks in his mouth for years, there is no sufficient evidence to back up these claims.
How To Manage Anxiety During High-Stress Times
Battling a mental health issue, cancer, or learning to move forward after treatment or a traumatic event, like losing a loved one to cancer, can be an extremely stressful time for so many people. How can you manage your anxiety while dealing with so many other things?
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Dr. Marianna Strongin, a clinical psychologist and founder of Strong In Therapy, has been helping the SurvivorNet community by sharing coping mechanisms and a structured way to think about handling these issues.
“The way that I define anxiety is that it’s an internal question that we simply can’t find the answers to,” Dr. Strongin previously toldSurvivorNet.
Dr. Strongin says that one of the main causes of anxiety is uncertainty about life, and a cancer battle can fuel anxiety for individuals because of the lack of uncertainty about the future.
Many people will turn to media platforms for answers, but Dr. Strongin says that individuals often end up with more questions as a result which leads to more anxiety.
The first step for coping during stressful circumstances is understanding one’s anxiety. To do this, Dr. Strongin suggests checking in with oneself everyday to see where the anxiety is manifesting and what questions are causing the anxiety. From there, it’s important to answer those questions and reassure oneself with positivity.
WATCH: A Guided Meditation for the SurvivorNet Community
“The answers are our coping skills,” Dr. Strongin says. “Some people are really good at always giving themselves answers…other people don’t have the coping skills to answer their anxiety and as a result the anxiety increases. … We are all facing the same questions.”
She continues, “Some are facing them much more than others and some are better at answering those questions than others. What’s really important is to pay attention to is what those questions are, what the frequency of those questions are, and how you’re answering them.”
Anxiety In The United States
According to the Anxiety Depression Association of America (ADAA), anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the United States, affecting nearly 40 million adults 18 years and older. Anxiety can be developed through factors including genetics, personality, brain chemistry, and life circumstances. Despite being highly treatable, only 43.2% of people receive treatment for anxiety disorders.
Anxiety symptoms include feelings of irritability, fatigue, and nervousness. People struggling with anxiety also have trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and rapid heart rate which leads to hyperventilation.
Therapy and medication are the two most recommended forms of treatment for individuals with anxiety, and treatments vary depending on the type of anxiety an individual has.
Mental Health: The Basics
The term mental health refers to both our emotional and psychological well-being. Our mental health can affect how we think, feel, and behave. Certain triggers like stress, traumatic events, or change in your physical health can affect mental health. It’s really important to keep tabs on your mental health and, if necessary, seek treatment. This doesn’t necessarily mean traditional therapy because while it may be really helpful (even life-changing) for some, that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.
Problems with mood and overall mental well-being can be attributed to several factors. For some people it’s genetic, while others may be experiencing a response to some sort of stressor or past trauma.
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In order to keep your mental health in check, it’s important to be aware of signs which can be subtle that there is something affecting your mind. These signs include:
- A change in eating or sleeping habits
- Losing interest in people or usual activities
- Experiencing little or no energy
- Numb and/or hopeless feelings
- Turning to drinking or drugs more than usual
- Non-typical angry, upset, or on-edge feelings
- Yelling/fighting with loved ones
- Experiencing mood swings
- Intrusive thoughts
- Trouble getting through daily tasks
These symptoms can be wide-ranging and vary a great deal from person to person. Everyone experiences grief differently, for example.
However, if you are feeling unusually sad, on-edge, or like you’re no longer interested in activities you used to love, know that there are many treatment options available and many different healthy ways to help you cope.
Understanding Treatment Options
Treatment options for people struggling with mental health really run the gamut. While some people may benefit from seeking the help of a psychologist and getting on medication, others see great improvement by simply implementing some lifestyle changes, such as prioritizing exercise and cutting back on alcohol.
RELATED: How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
Those struggling should know that they are not alone about one in five American adults has experienced some sort of mental health issue, according to mentalhealth.gov.
However, what worked to help someone else cope may not necessarily help you as treatment must be individualized.
To maintain a positive mindset and address mental health struggles you may be having, treatment may include:
- Seeking professional help from a psychiatrist or therapist
- Learning healthy coping skills
- Medication such as antidepressants
- Adding more physical activity to your routine
- Adjusting your sleep schedule
- Connecting with others via support groups
- Mindfulness and meditation
Dr. Daynelle Dedmond, a Gynecologic Oncologist at Centura Health in Colorado Springs, On Mental Health Treatment
Questions to Ask Your Doctor
If you find yourself struggling with a mental health issue, or a diagnosis, or even helping a loved one cope with their emotions, consider asking your doctor the following questions:
- How can I go about improving my outlook/mental health?
- Are there any activities I can do to encourage positive feelings?
- When should I seek other interventions if I’m still struggling?
- What are the steps to finding a different therapist if the one I’m using is not working out?
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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