Having a Support System is Vital
- When receiving a cancer diagnosis, a support system is vital. Whether it be your family, friends or a spouse.
- If someone who's supposed to be part of that support system doesn't follow through, it can hurt, especially if your spouse calls you a "downer." This happened to one woman on Reddit who recently shared her story.
- The situation is almost ironic; the husband wasn't there when his wife needed him, however, since posting her story on Reddit, the woman has received an outpouring of support from strangers.
But that's what happened to one woman who recently posted on the Reddit "Am I the Asshole" thread. She detailed how her husband called her a "downer" for leaving him at a bar while celebrating his graduation to visit her doctor for a breast cancer scare, Newsweek first reported.
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The unnamed woman in her 30s known only as u/whysuchabuzzkill starts off her post by stating that she had a routine check-up with her primary care doctor just before her husband's graduation celebration started. The doctor found a lump on her breast.
"I'm young, but have a history of breast cancer on my mom's side (my aunt died before the age of 35 from it). She wanted me to get a biopsy that day and referred me to the correct place," the post reads.
"It was going to be a few hours before they could see me as they were doing her a favor and it was obviously short notice. I was a crying mess, so my husband reluctantly agreed for me to come wait with him at the bar for my appointment time. I got to the bar, introductions were made and although I was quite scared, I felt I was nice to everyone and as talkative as I could be."
Being scared before receiving a possibly life-altering diagnosis is definitely understandable. But her husband, someone who should be part of her support system, wasn't thrilled that the woman decided to leave the bar and go for a biopsy, followed by a mammogram.
"It was terrifying, but my doctor was great and a nurse held my hand through it all," she writes.
"When I got home, my husband was pissed at me. Apparently I offended his classmates because I was standoffish and rude to them, and in their words 'just an overall downer that brought down the mood of the celebration.' He said I embarrassed him and he regretted having me join them."
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Having a Support System is Vital
The situation is almost ironic; the husband wasn't there when his wife needed him, however, since posting her story on Reddit, the woman has received an outpouring of support from strangers. Her story highlights how a support system can come from many different places, even strangers online.
The woman's post has since garnered hundreds of comments, most in disbelief of the husband's behavior.
Dr. Marianna Strongin, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Strong In Therapy Psychology, tells SurvivorNet during a previous interview that sharing your story online can help some cancer warriors.
From a psychological stance, "the more that we share, the less likely we are to feel shame, and shame is quite toxic; it makes us feel alone and it makes us feel like there's something wrong with us," she says. "In that instance, it's better to share; sharing is more connecting."
However, sharing your story online isn't for everyone. Regardless of what you decide, "everyone should focus on what makes them feel good," Strongin says.
The 30-something-year-old woman has since updated the post, adding that a classmate of the husband's reached out saying no one actually called her a downer, and most were confused why she even showed up to the bar. Why? Because the husband had told everyone they were going through a divorce in order to have an affair with the woman who reached out.
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"This has been going on for almost the entire length of the program he is in," Redditor u/whysuchabuzzkill explains. "I confronted him. I'm livid. I'm nauseated … He planned on leaving me once he graduated because he wouldn't need me anymore. Me possibly having cancer threw a wrench in the plan. He is unapologetic."
Karma will surely get him. The moral of the story is that when going through a cancer diagnosis, or really just any time in your life, surround yourself with people who care about you and will support you through the hard times. That's when it counts.
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