Focusing on the Positive
- Actress Eva Mendes recently praised her 82-year-old cancer-surviving mom, Eva Pere Suarez, for her ongoing positivity through her cancer battle and the loss of her son Carlos Mendez, who passed away from cancer eight years ago.
- Cancer patients with a positive attitude are more likely to have positive outcomes, according to Colorectal Surgeon at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Dr. Zuri Murrell.
- Dr. Dana Chase, a Gynecologic Oncologist at UCLA Health, also it’s important to try to focus on the good, stay positive, and do things that bring you joy to the degree you’re able to do so amid battling a disease like cancer.
- “We know, actually from good studies, that emotional health, quality of life is associated with survival, meaning better quality of life is associated with better survival, better outcomes,” Dr. Chase tells SurvivorNet.
Mendes’ mom battled cancer and is now in remission, however, the actress has yet to reveal more details on her past health issues—but one thing is for sure, it’s clear how much the “Hitch” star loves and admires her 82-year-old “hero.”
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Following her emotional cancer journey, Mendes praised her mom for always staying positive through adversity, adding, “She’s still funny as all hell.”
Mendes as been a huge support system for her mom throughout her cancer battle, and even after, as she still accompanies her mom to her follow-up doctor’s appointments.
She explained, “If I take her to the doctor’s office, which I take her often, and they ask her, like, ‘Oh, you know, have you had this removed or do you have this?’ she goes, ‘Listen, it’s easier if I tell you what I still have. Everything’s gone.'”
Mendes even took to Instagram a few months ago to describe her mom as her “Hero.”
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Alongside two heartwarming photos of Mendes with her arms around her beloved mother, dressed in a pink Barbie jumpsuit, she wrote, “This Barbie is my Hero.
“I wish this Barbie wasn’t so private then I’d be able to share everything she has survived – but the only thing she’ll let me share is that she is a cancer survivor. Like that’s not enough, I know.”
She concluded, “I see my strength in her eyes.”
In an earlier social media post, Mendes dubbed her mom, “Mi Mami Evita” as “the coolest of the cools.”
It’s wonderful to see Mendes’ mom doing well, as just two years ago, during a Mother’s Day special of “Today With Hoda & Jenna,” the actress, who has two children with actor Ryan Gosling, said about her mom, “She’s not doing too well right now, so, means a lot to me.
“She’s a survivor in every way, thank you.”
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Meanwhile Mendes, her two other siblings, her mom continue to embody strength and grieve the loss of their sweet Carlos.
Mendes wrote to Instagram this week, to acknowledge the meaning of the month April to her, “Oh April… I have such a complicated relationship with you.
“Tomorrow would have been my brother’s birthday…..in a couple of weeks from now is the day we lost him…but then, the end of April we got the biggest blessing of all, my little girl was born 8 years ago. I hate you April. But I love you more.”
Coping With a Diagnosis
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Focusing on the Positive Amid Cancer
Mendes’ mom’s positive attitude even while battling cancer is something we can all admire. She’s managed to keep an upbeat mindset through the loss of her son to cancer and throughout her own cancer journey.
This is something Dr. Zuri Murrell of Cedars-Sinai says helps a cancer patient’s prognosis.
“A positive attitude is really important,” Dr. Murrell previously told.
WATCH: Staying positive matters.
“My patients who thrive, even with stage 4 cancer, from the time that they, about a month after they’re diagnosed, I kind of am pretty good at seeing who is going to be OK. Now doesn’t that mean I’m good at saying that the cancer won’t grow,” Dr. Murrell says.
Focusing on the positive is part of positive psychology. According to Dr. Samantha Boardman, a New York-based psychiatrist, positive psychology means focusing on encouraging feelings and finding what brings you a sense of vitality, as opposed to focusing on the illness.
For exmaple, Noelle Kouris was only 34 years old when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Similar to Mendes’ mom, she kept a positive attitude during cancer treatment and turned to humor to keep herself going.
WATCH: “F*ck You, Cancer But I Say It With A Smile” Ovarian Cancer Survivor Noelle Kouris Shares Her Story
“I just tried to smile every day that I walked into the center,” Kouris previously told SurvivorNet.
“The nurses used to tell me that I had this light about me. And I would try to crack jokes all the time at chemo. I would just smile, and offer somebody a smile because some people were there by themselves and had nobody by their side. So, if I offered them a smile, hopefully, it brought some positivity to their day,” she continued.
Mendes and Kouris are not the only ones who hasve learned the importance of positivity during caregiving or their own cancer battle.
Jesus Trejo is a stand-up comedian in Long Beach, California. He became a caregiver for both of his parents after his mother was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and his father was later faced with colon cancer. But instead of panicking and focusing on the devastating nature of the situation, the only child stepped up to care for his parents with love and laughter. In a previous interview with SurvivorNet, Trejo explained how he put his career aside to care for his parents in their time of need while making time to smile along the way.
Stand-Up Comedian & Cancer Caregiver Jesus Trejo Reminds Us That ‘Laughter is a Game-Changer’
“The only advice I have for anyone watching this is laugh and laugh often, laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself seriously. Things are already bad. Because once you do that, it’s a game-changer,” Trejo told SurvivorNet.
He also says the laughter itself might be brief, but “the effects of it just reverberate through your body, and can change an already bad situation into a better one.”
Meanwhile, Dr. Dana Chase, a Gynecologic Oncologist at UCLA Health, also says it’s important to try to focus on the good, stay positive, and do things that bring you joy to the degree you’re able to do so amid battling a disease like cancer.
“We know, actually from good studies, that emotional health, quality of life is associated with survival, meaning better quality of life is associated with better survival, better outcomes,” Dr. Chase said in an earlier interview.
SurvivorNetTV Presents: Maintaining a Positive Headspace
How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One With Cancer
When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer and you suddenly find yourself filling the role of a caregiver, the lifestyle change can be jarring. Caregivers are often spouses, partners, adult children, parents, or trusted friends of the person living with cancer. Many people welcome the role of caregiver and the opportunity to help out someone they care about deeply but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Filling a caregiver role can be extremely stressful and caregivers often neglect their own needs, which can create a host of additional problems.
RELATED: Check Out SurvivorNet’s Resources on Mental Health
So what can caregivers do to make sure they are healthy both mentally and physically as well? We spoke to doctors, patient advocates, spiritual leaders, and caregivers who have been through cancer with someone they love dearly to round up some of the best advice.
And if you need help with finances, we provide resources you can consider to cope with the cancer bills. If your loved one has just been diagnosed and you are just starting your journey as a caregiver, here are some steps you should take.
Don’t Hold in Your Feelings
Watching someone you care about struggle with illness is difficult enough, but to be suddenly dealing with the responsibility of caring for them can make the situation that much harder particularly if you’re nervous you’re not qualified. While you, of course, want to do all you can for your loved one, it’s important to acknowledge your own needs as well.
“When you find yourself suddenly having to care for somebody, to be the primary lifeline for them, you very well could have mixed emotions,” Pastor Tom Evans, who cared for his own father as he went through Alzheimer’s, told SurvivorNet.
“Maybe it’s anger. Maybe this person never cared for you in the past, and now you have to do it for them. And maybe you’re gonna feel like you’re selfish when you need a break.”
Pastor Tom Evans shares some advice for managing life as a caregiver.
Pastor Evans stressed that needing a break when you’re filling the role of caregiver is not selfish it should be expected. No one can be a caregiver 24/7, 365 days a year.
“So, you need to find time where you’re not doing that and where others are helping you,” he told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview. “In those frustrations and that anger, take time to find someone to express that to, whether it’s a friend, whether it’s a pastor, whether it’s a neighbor, because as you work that out of your system, you’ll be better able to be there for them.”
Try ‘Realistic Optimism’
Negative thought patterns can make already difficult situations more of a challenge to handle. There is real power in positivity. Of course, it’s easier said than done. Dr. Samantha Boardman, a New York-based psychiatrist, said when patients are struggling with some pervasive patterns of negative thinking, she often works with them to try to deconstruct that mindset.
“Take a look at your beliefs. Do you have any sort of fixed belief that may be counterproductive, that are impeding you from taking positive steps? So something that’s holding you back, thinking, oh, this always happens to me, or maybe this is something that’s always going to be haunting me, or following me,” Dr. Boardman explained.
Dismantling these negative patterns of thinking can help you to be happier with yourself and to be a better caregiver. Dr. Boardman refers to this mindset as being “realistically optimistic” about your situation.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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