Coping With The Loss of a Loved One
- Actor Patrick Duffy lost his wife to cancer in 2017, but was able to find love again with Linda Purl from “Happy Days,” someone he seems to be spending most of his time with. The pair celebrated his 75th birthday on St. Patrick’s Day out to eat and shared a loving photo of each other before Duffy blew out his birthday candle.
- The “Dallas” star is an ideal model of how finding love after loss and grief is possible.
- Duffy’s late wife Carlyn Rosser, who he married in 1974, passed away in January 2017 after a battle with cancer at 77. The couple had two sons together.
- Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Duffy has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
- While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful. Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some.
- Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
Duffy, known for playing Bobby Ewing on the CBS primetime soap opera “Dallas,” appears to be sharing most of his time with his new love Purl, 68, as they often take to their social media accounts to share heartwarming photos and videos of each other.
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It’s undeniable the bond Purl and Duffy have together— especially as the actor was photographed beaming with joy as he was out to eat in a restaurant. Since St. Patrick’s Day falls on Duffy’s birthday every year, or vice-verca, it’s unclear if this photo was taken over the weekend or in recent years. Regardless, we’re delighted to see the charming couple staying by each other’s sides.
Purl’s Instagram post was also greeted with praised from fans, with one writing, “Enjoy your special day being spoiled by those who love you, especially by that sweet, pretty little lady of yours!! Hugs!”
Duffy and Purl appear to have been having an eventful month as just a few days ago, they were enjoying an abundance of snow that fell at their undisclosed residence, likely in the western part of the U.S.
Purl shared footage of her and Duffy walking snow which she described as being “past her thighs.”
When she is heard asking Duffy how he’s doing, he replied, “Well, I’m following the leader here. I figure if you disappear, it’s too deep for me.”
She concluded, while panning the winter scenery, “Well, that’s the view … isn’t it something?”
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Purl and Duffy have also been keeping busy with their side business called “Duffy’s Dough,” and they usually take to social media to share some light-hearted videos promoting their products.
“Getting ready for St. Patrick’s Day at Duffy’s Dough,” a recent post promoting the brand was captioned on the Duffy’s Dough official Instagram page.
Duffy is seen preparing dough while Purl is seen “practicing” her Irish step dancing.
It’s lovely to see Purl and Duffy doing something they love and sharing it with others. On the Duffy’s Dough website, Duffy explains how they started their business, writing “Some of our happiest memories in life have happened in kitchens full of family and friends, Now, we hope to not only share those moments in real time but also inspire people to create their own good times. Out of an abundance of gratitude for the good fortune we have experienced in our lives, we are very excited to be on an adventure to proactively cultivate joy.
“Sharing life with my partner, the amazing Linda Purl(!), I would make rolls, etc. for dinners that we would host. Armed anew with guests’ reactions, also inspirations from family friend and entrepreneur, Lance Stuart, our imaginations were ignited. We began to flesh out the notion of taking this germ of an idea commercial… but only if it maintained the concept of sharing between friends and contributing to the general well-being of people.”
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He continues, “We continued to take rolls and breads to friend’s homes whenever we went for dinners. One of those dinners was at Steve and Christy Kaczmarek’s. The conversation flowed, Linda and I pitched the idea of creating a business to be called Duffy’s Dough. Central to the idea would be that, in time, Duffy’s Dough would be able to support causes we believe in.
“Those include world hunger, education and the environment. Steve, with his incredible business acumen, began to make the possibilities of starting a homemade sourdough starter company real and together we started, in earnest, on the journey of Duffy’s Dough as an entity.”
“All of this progress continually returns to the simple reality of coming downstairs in the morning and being welcomed by that amazing odor of the starter brimming with new life,” Duffy concludes.
“The rest of the procedure is my meditation of gratitude as I mix the new batch of batter, knead the dough, and see it rise and blossom. There is no match for the smell of rolls in the oven and the taste of one fresh out with a dollop of butter (and maybe a cup of coffee). And to do this with family and friends, and strangers alike, gives us the real window of hope and possibility for everything human.”
Patrick Duffy Finds Love After Loss
Duffy shared a long and happy life with his wife Carlyn Rosser, who he married in 1974. She passed away in January 2017 after a battle with cancer at 77. The couple had two sons together and a beautiful love story.
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The heartbroken actor previously opened up in an interview with Closer magazine, saying that he knew it was forever from the time they met. He said, “I was an immature college graduate touring as narrator with this dance production, and she was a beautiful ballerina 10 years older. We met on the tour bus and that was, for life.”
After his wife’s passing, Duffy was candid about how the loss affected him, telling Closer, “I know what she would expect of me, and I try and live up to that. I feel close to her all the time, [but] what I miss most is her touch.”
“I still consider myself a married man,” Duffy said in 2019, showing us how grieving is an ongoing process, and that it’s good to be patient with yourself as you process your grief after losing a loved one to cancer.
Despite the pain Duffy experienced, he and Purl were brought together in 2020. The two were old friends, and their mutual pals initiated a group text prompting everyone to stay connected during the pandemic.
The group chat led the now-loving duo to reconnect, and shortly after they were chatting just the two of them.
When Duffy felt that he and Purl had more than a friendly connection, he drove to visit the “Happy Days” star, where they quarantined together. “I loaded up my car and drove 20 hours and ended up on her doorstep just to see if it was real. We haven’t been apart since,” he previously recounted to People magazine.
Duffy admitted, “I never thought I’d feel this way again,” noting that he thinks his wife would be happy for him.
“I feel quite honestly, that it is keeping with the desires of my wife, the fact that we are intended to be happy. So when it’s offered, think about it, do whatever you do, but don’t ;et it pass you up if it’s the right thing,” he explained.
Benefits of Having a Supportive Partner
Licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Marianna Strongin says people faced with cancer should “surround [themselves] with individuals who care and support [them]” throughout treatment while also acknowledging their limits on what they can handle. Although Duffy never battled cancer himself, his ability to push through the hard times and find love after loss is truly admirable.
“Going through [cancer] treatment is a very vulnerable and emotionally exhausting experience,” Dr. Strongin wrote in a column for SurvivorNet.
“Noticing what you have strength for and what is feeling like too much [is] extremely important to pay attention to as you navigate treatment.”
If you’re ever in a relationship where you feel overwhelmed by how your partner is trying to support you, Dr. Strongin says you should try to communicate your feelings. This may help you decide if your partner is the person you want beside you “during this arduous chapter” of life.
Moving Through Grief
Grief is a difficult, truly personal process, something Duffy has shown. Some find solace in vulnerability and sharing how they feel with others.
Following his wife’s death, Duffy tweeted: “On this day 6 months ago my heart stopped yet I live on as she wishes We will be together eternally.”
‘Therapy Saved My Life’: After Losing A Loved One, Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
While working through grief and vulnerable tackling of the emotions that accompany it, some find tools like therapy to be helpful.
Support groups can also be a benefit for those who are feeling isolated in their feelings of grief. Faith can also be a powerful coping mechanism for some; Duffy previously spoke about how his Buddhist faith helped him deal with his feelings of loss.
Whichever methods of support you look for after cancer loss, you should know that there is no correct way to grieve. There is no perfect timeline for grieving, either.
More Resources On Coping With Loss
- How to Be Realistically Optimistic: Coping With Mental Health Long-Term
- Dealing With Grief Related to Health Problems
- How to Handle the Emotional Toll of Caring for a Loved One With Cancer: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
- SN & You Presents Mental Health: Coping With Emotions
- Mental Health: Understanding the Three Wellsprings of Vitality
- Mental Health: Coping With Feelings of Anger
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- Responding to Stress: How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
- Cancer Support Groups Aren’t for Everyone — We All Have Our Own Way of Coping
Surviving the Loss of a Partner
Fighting your own cancer battle is one of the toughest experiences in life; watching the disease take someone you love is a different kind of pain. In some cases, a spouse with cancer can take proactive steps to talk about what might come after.
“She wanted to make sure that I knew that it was OK, she really wanted me to have another relationship after she was gone,” one widower told SurvivorNet in an earlier interview.
Meanwhile, John Duberstein lost his wife, writer Nina Riggs, to metastatic triple negative breast cancer. He says that while he was watching her suffer from the disease, he couldn’t help but wish things could go back to normal … but Riggs had already embraced her new normal.
RELATED: The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer
“I really wanted things to go back to normal, whatever that meant,” Duberstein told SurvivorNet. “She was not for that. She wanted to embrace the existence that she had, even before she knew she was going to die imminently. I did not want to talk about what was going to happen with me after Nina died. Nina is the one that really brought it up, she brought it up a number of times.”
Dating After Cancer; Getting Intimate with the New You
Duberstein explained that even with the pain of losing his wife, and even though he didn’t want to talk about it at the time, he’s so glad they had those seemingly uncomfortable conversations. “In retrospect, I can’t even explain how glad I am that I had that.”
This is a reminder that having those uncomfortable and painful conversations with your partner can be fundamental to your well-being as you move forward in the grieving process, alleviating the guilt felt in starting to date again, and/or eventually marry.
The Toughest Conversations: Losing a Spouse to Cancer
Milestones After Cancer
Reaching milestones after, during or after a cancer battle, or after life changes made to reduce the risk of cancer, or the loss of a loved one from cancer, is huge. These events like getting wedding, or turning another year older like Duffy just celebrated may mean even more than they did previously, so it’s important to take them all in and celebrate all that you’ve overcome.
I’m Able to Be Here For More Milestones One Cancer Survivor’s Incredible Story
Chrissy Degennaro, a cancer warrior determined to keep enjoying these precious milestones, is a great example of this. She has been battling a rare blood cancer called multiple myeloma for 14 years, and was first diagnosed when she was just 36 years old with a 2-year-old son.
When she was diagnosed, she almost expected to not be able to see him enter kindergarten. But thanks to 27 rounds of chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, a CAR-T cell trial and two CAR-T cell transplants over following 14 years, she’s able to keep making memories with her family.
“You know, I do live one day at a time,” Chrissy previously told SurvivorNet. “Now, maybe I can go a week, a month, but things are looking pretty good. I’m able to be here for more milestones for my son, for more holidays, more birthdays. I do feel like I have had another chance at life.”
Tips for Dealing With Cancer in Your Relationship
Cancer can place a huge strain on any relationship. The state of your relationship with your significant other before a cancer diagnosis can influence how you both endure the cancer journey.
Psychologist Susan McDaniel said in an earlier interview with SurvivorNet that cancer can either strengthen healthy relationships or widen the divide for couples already facing conflict.
So when you’re faced with a diagnosis or treatment, it can help to lean on the bond you’ve built with your partner.
For healthy couples confronted with cancer, “They recognize how they feel about each other, the petty stuff drifts away. There’s a certain kind of intimacy in having to face something really serious,” Dr. McDaniel said.
“For couples where there’s already significant difficulties that haven’t been resolved, and if the illness hits at some of that, then it’s really hard,” Dr. McDaniel added.
Dealing With Grief After a Cancer Diagnosis
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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