‘Play the Cancer Card’: It’s OK to Not Feel Up to Holiday Traditions

Sarah Paul, who works at CancerCare with children, teens and young adults who have cancer, says there’s no shame in playing the cancer card this season. That means saying no if you don’t feel up to, or simply don’t want to go to something. You have an excuse.

“Dealing with cancer at the holidays is never going to be easy,” Paul says. “Especially for patients who might feel pressured to go to holiday events or to put on that holiday cheer, or buy gifts when they physically can’t go out and get them. I think that my advice would be to take it one day at a time, to know your boundaries, to say no. It’s OK!”

What if my family wants to discuss my cancer?

The cancer conversation can be uncomfortable for everyone involved.

“When talking to loved ones about your preferences and discussing your cancer journey during the holidays, it’s important that you be your authentic self,” Dr. Marianna Strongin, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Strong In Therapy Psychology, told SurvivorNet in a previous chat.

“So rather than telling people exactly what you want, it’s important to share why you want that.”

This also applies to if you simply do not want to talk about cancer at all.

“When we are our most authentic self and disclose our true feelings, the people around us feel us. So if you aren’t feeling comfortable talking about your cancer and you don’t want it to be a part of the holiday season, tell them why that is. Tell them why talking about it would be so distressing for you.”

How to stay positive during the holidays

The holiday season has a way of marking the time in our lives, Dr. Strongin said. It tends to be more intense than other times of the year. So what if you’re having a hard time remaining positive during this season that’s supposed to be filled with so much joy?

“For patients who are going through a difficult moment, it becomes a real lens into what’s happening for them because they can remember the holidays the year before or even the year before that,” Dr. Strongin added. “And it becomes a sense of reality when they know that this is going to be the year that’s marked by this (a cancer battle or diagnosis).”

If you find that you identify with what Dr. Strongin is saying, she tells us that she has a challenge for you this holiday season: “I really challenged (cancer patients) to kind of take this holiday as it is, to find the joy in it, to find ways to accept the reality of where they are in this time and space.”

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