Coping With a Loved One's Cancer Diagnosis
- Singer-songwriter Taylor Swift says that seeing her parents Andrew and Scott battle cancer helped her see “real problems” in life.
- Swift’s mom battled breast cancer twice, and also a brain tumor, while her dad reportedly had surgery after getting a prostate cancer diagnosis.
- It’s important to remember that anxiety and fear are totally normal reactions to the news of cancer, or even the loss of a loved one, and acknowledging these emotions can be therapeutic and important to the healing process— just as the “Love Story” singer has shown.
- Dr. Susan Parsons, Director of the Center for Health Solutions/Center on Child and Family Outcomes at Tufts Medical Center, in told SurvivorNet, “I think the most important advice I would give to someone who has just received a cancer diagnosis is to find people whom they find as a source of support. To allow themselves to go through all of the different emotional reactions to that news.”
“It’s taught me that there are real problems and then there’s everything else. My mom’s cancer is a real problem.”
The “Bad Blood” singer continued, “I used to be so anxious about daily ups and downs. I give all of my worry, stress, and prayers to real problems now.”
Although Swift has confirmed her mom’s health struggles, she hasn’t gone public on the specifics of her dad’s cancer battle. However she did acknowledge that “both” her parents battled cancer to Elle.
One report shared on YouTube, claimed that a leak email from Swift’s dad to the singer’s old manager revealed he had his prostate “sucked out of my body” during a robotic surgery after being diagnosed with the disease.
Expert Resources On Coping With a Cancer Diagnosis
- Telling Your Kids You Have Cancer: “When it Comes to Your Kids, You Want to Protect Them”
- Mental Health and Cancer — The Fight, Flight or Freeze Response
- Fear, Anger, Anxiety: You’re Entitled To Your Emotions
- Responding to Stress: How to Cope With Complex & Changing Emotions
- SN & You Presents Mental Health: Coping With Emotions
- Battling Anxiety? The Amazing Mom On A Mission To Show Your Family Is Not Alone, Watch Her New Film ‘Anxious Nation’
- A Cancer Survivor’s Ode To Friends and Family: “My Support System Helped Me Heal”
As for when her mom was first diagnosed with cancer, Swift took to Tumblr in April 2015 to explained what was going on, writing, “Hey Guys, I’m writing to you with an update I wish I wasn’t giving you, but it’s important and I’m used to sharing important events in my life with you.
“Usually when things happen to me, I process them and then write music about how I feel, and you hear it much later. This is something my family and I thought you should know about now.”
She continued, according to People, “For Christmas this year, I asked my mom that one of her gifts to me be her going to the doctor to get screened for any health issues, just to ease some worries of mine. She agreed, and went in to get checked. There were no red flags and she felt perfectly fine, but she did it just to get me and my brother off her case about it.
“The results came in, and I’m saddened to tell you that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. I’d like to keep the details of her condition and treatment plans private, but she wanted you to know.”
Swift ultimately said that her mom hoped her store would inspire other busy parents to make time for getting checked and going to annual doctor’s visits as it could lead to an early diagnosis and probably save a life.
She added, “Or peace of mind in knowing that they’re healthy and there’s nothing to worry about. She wanted you to know why she may not be at as many shows this tour. She’s got an important battle to fight.
“Thank you for caring about my family so much that she would want me to share this information with you. I hope and pray that you never get news like this. Love you. Taylor.”
Meanwhile, when it comes to her mom’s relapse, Swift told Vogue in September 2019, “It’s something that my family is going through.”
WATCH: How to Manage Anxiety in High-Stress Times
Andrea Swift’s Battles with Cancer
Andrea Swift, who became a two-time cancer survivor after her first breast cancer diagnosis in 2015 and then again in 2019. She also dealt with a brain tumor doctors discovered while she was undergoing chemotherapy.
After sharing her mom’s diagnosis on social media with her fans, Taylor noted that her mom “may not be at as many shows” to focus on her cancer treatment, entertainment media outlet Distractify reports.
“The symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family,” Taylor Swift told Variety in an earlier interview.
She also said at the time, “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on.’
The specifics about Andrea’s breast cancer and the status of her ongoing treatment remain unknown, but one thing is for sure — she’s not letting her previous cancer diagnoses prevent her from taking part in their daughter’s eventful life.
Although the “Anti-Hero” singer hasn’t revealed explicit details about her mom’s diagnosis, it’s important to understand that metastatic breast cancer often presents as a recurrence of a prior early-stage breast cancer, although it can be a new diagnosis.
Back in 2015, the year Andrea was first diagnosed with breast cancer, Taylor’s mom presented her daughter with The Milestone Award at The Academy of Country Music Awards.
“I’ve watched this milestone artist from the time she was a tangled hair little girl growing up on our farm, full of imagination and creativity,” Andrea told the crowd at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas, in what was her first public appearance since her cancer diagnosis. “And ever since then, her favorite thing in the world to do has been to write a song, tell a story, play a guitar, or a piano,” Andrea said. “And I’ve seen those things carry her through every emotion, every experience in her life. Good or bad.”
She continued, “Every once in a while, her dad or I find ourselves to be the subject of those songs. Sometimes we’re merely the inspiration. Like the time she was 17 years old and her dad and I strongly disapproved of a young man, and rightfully so. But she was mad, she was real mad, and she went to her room and she closed the door. She came out about an hour later with a song called ‘Love Story.’”
RELATED: Taylor Swift Honors Her Parents in Amazing Speech as Her Mom Deals with Cancer Recurrence
Taylor’s parents have been incredibly influential in her success and she doesn’t shy away from giving her mom credit whenever possible. During her mom’s breast cancer battle, Taylor wrote a song dedicated to her mom called “The Best Day.” The lyrics include the notable line, “…And I love you for giving me your eyes. Staying back and watching me shine…”
Another song dedicated to Andrea includes, “Soon You’ll Get Better.”
Taylor told a crowd at the Global Citizen’s “One World, Together at Home” concert in 2020, “That’s a song I don’t know if I’ll ever play it live. It’s just really difficult for me. It was hard to write. It’s hard to sing. It’s hard to listen to for me,” CNN reported.
Dealing With Fear Amid a Diagnosis
It’s important to remember that anxiety and fear are totally normal reactions to the news of cancer, or the loss of a loved one, and acknowledging these emotions can be therapeutic and important to the healing process.
“I think the most important advice I would give to someone who has just received a cancer diagnosis is to find people whom they find as a source of support. To allow themselves to go through all of the different emotional reactions to that news,” said Dr. Susan Parsons, Director of the Center for Health Solutions/Center on Child and Family Outcomes at Tufts Medical Center, in a prior interview with SurvivorNet.
Fear, Anger, Anxiety You’re Entitled To Your Emotions
“The anger, the frustration, the fear. The disappointment. Whatever those emotions are, figure out what’s important to you and find those people that can help you realize that,” Dr. Parsons explained.
In times of frustration, it can be useful to a little bit of direction on specific ways to deal with it. A few of the most common ways to deal with fear and anxiety after a cancer diagnosis, that have helped people in the SurvivorNet community in the past, include:
1. Let your family and close friends know and let them help. So many cancer survivors tell us they want and need support but are often too preoccupied to make specific requests. Urge those close to you to jump in with whatever practical help they can offer.
2. Keep a journal. It can be extremely cathartic to let those feelings loose on paper. Grab a pen and a nice journal and chronicle your different thoughts throughout the day.
3. Join a cancer support group. There are groups in nearly every community offering opportunities to connect with others going through a similar journey. You’ll learn incredibly helpful insight from others who can tell you about what to expect and how to stay strong on tough days.
4. Consider seeing a therapist. Ask your doctor to refer you to a therapist so you can discuss your fears and concerns in a safe space. Often, vocalizing your thoughts and feelings rather than internalizing them can provide relief.
Coping With a Loved One’s Cancer Diagnosis: Prioritizing Your Mental Health
When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer and you suddenly find yourself filling the role of a caregiver, the lifestyle change can be jarring. Caregivers are often spouses, partners, adult children, parents, or trusted friends of the person living with cancer. Although Swift did not take on a caregiver type role, she did support her parents through their health struggles.
It’s important to remember that many people welcome the role of caregiver and the opportunity to help out someone they care about deeply, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Filling a caregiver role can be extremely stressful and caregivers often neglect their own needs, which can create a host of additional problems.
RELATED: Check Out SurvivorNet’s Resources on Mental Health
So what can caregivers do to make sure they are healthy, both mentally and physically, as well? We spoke to doctors, patient advocates, spiritual leaders, and caregivers who have been through cancer with someone they love dearly to round up some of the best advice.
And if you need help with finances, we provide resources you can consider to cope with the cancer bills. If your loved one has just been diagnosed and you are just starting your journey as a caregiver, here are the first steps you should take.
Contributing: SurvivorNet Staff
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